Raphen's story
Jiaying and I both joined the University of Massachusetts, Amherst Computer Science Department in the same year, Fall 1999. The first semester we both chose to be TAs as we tried to figure out what area of research most interested us. Apparently, we met at the TA initiation where we ate lunch together (and talked about pickles) but I have to confess that I don't remember that meeting. Late that first semester we moved to the new Computer Science building and had cubicles in the same room, but I don't remember that either. No, my first memories of Jiaying start the next semester when I half-joined the Multi-Agent Systems lab, which she was already a member of. That semester she, Roger (another member of the MASL) and I all took CS601: Theory of Computation together. We were encouraged to study in small groups, so naturally the three of us formed our own little study group.

We spent many late nights studying together. Most of that time was spent arguing about the homework. Invariably, Jiaying and I would disagree about a problem on the homework and would spend hours arguing back and forth. Sometimes she was right, and sometimes I was right...well, to be fair she was right more often than I was. And that's what initially attracted me to her. She was smart, really smart, and she was confident in her own abilities too. Here was a woman I could go to when I was stuck or confused in my research and she could understand what I was working on and give insightful comments. I liked that!

To be continued...

Jiaying's story
My first memory of Raphen is not really of Raphen, but of our conversation about pickles. I just came to the US and had never seen American pickles before. They are very different looking and tasting from Chinese pickles. So I asked Raphen, who was sitting next to me, what this funny thing was, and started a whole conversation of pickles. I didn't remember his name or not even his face very much, but pickles, and how he told me all about American pickles.

After we moved into the new computer science building the first semester, Raphen's cube actually was right across mine, but I still didn't know him, since he didn't come into office very much. My memory of the guy sitting across was really the empty cube and the guy who was never there. But I did know his name then, from the name tag outside of the cube.

It was not until Raphen joined the MASL and we started going to classes together when I finally linked the name, the face, and the memory of pickles all together. In our study groups, we were known for relentless arguing with each other on various homework problems, different points in the lectures, or our different understandings of the material, even to the finest point. Maybe some of the arguing was unnecessary to other people's eyes, but it was the beginning of our friendship. We found our common ground in the need of understanding the material thoroughly and our belief in our own abilities. They were friendly discussions rather than arguments, and we enjoyed them! Those class discussions were also the start of our collaboration in research. It was not a coincidence that we are doing related research and even co-wrote a paper! One thing I love about our relationship is our ability to understand each other. Our ways of thinking and approaching problems are different but complementing. I have always been amazed at Raphen's original ideas and his ability to carry them through. It is not common that a couple can not only go to movies together, but also understand each other's work and help each other further their careers.

We became housemates not too long after we became good friends. I still remember the many evenings we spent talking into late hours. Sometimes about classwork and research. More often, it was about our cultures, our families and our interests. Once we started, it was easy to forget time. We found that, even though we came from different backgrounds, even from different ends of the world, we have so similar interests, and similar attitudes toward life. We like the same kind of music and enjoy the same kind of movies. We both enjoy cooking, and love adventuring and exploring different cuisines. We both treasure the values of family and friends. We can do endless things together and enjoy every minute of it. It was no wonder that we became very close friends through the years of being housemates. We shared each other's happy times, and more importantly, we supported each other through difficult times as well. I still remember how he comforted me when I first learned that my mother was diagnosed of cancer. One of the things that I treasure most about our relationship is that we were friends long before we became lovers. We knew each other's merits and shortcomings well, and learned to live with each other and tolerate each other as well as enjoy each other. I think these are all important to a healthy relationship, and I am glad that we have that.